Written by Brenda Smoak Antoine Hunter, Deaf Dancer, Tells His Story #DeafWoke

This was well written by Brenda SmoakI thought why not show or share what she wrote of my high school story... A very good listener Wednesday, April 19, 2017 written by Brenda Smoak

Antoine Hunter, Deaf Dancer, Tells His Story

Antoine Hunter - photo credit RJ Muna

Most people assume that I picked dance at an early age to have a dance career but that's not really true. Let me tell you how it all started.

I was born in Oakland, California. I have a hearing family and I was born Deaf. Being an African American Deaf male child was hard. Being Deaf was considered “retarded”. That’s what people called me at a young age. Not my family, but the public did. My family taught me to love who I am and that is what I did. I never let that go. It wasn’t easy.

 

Before and After - photo credit Matt Haber

I was considered an outcast by both hearing people and Deaf people. Most of the time the Deaf didn't let me in because I wanted to do things hearing people were doing and most Deaf didn’t engage in those same activities because there was no access. Hearing people didn't let me be a part of their community because I couldn't hear them. So the reality was, I didn't have any friends in my life who were truly my friend. I was really lonely. I felt I had no place in the world. I was so sad and even thought about taking my own life. I didn’t, however, because there was something in me saying “If you want something you need to figure out how to get it”.  

In the Silence - photo credit Matt Haber

There were a few times when I went to a summer Deaf camp where I put myself out there to help people and they would become my friend. I learned how to make friends. It would be a nice lovely feeling of having a friend but it only lasted the 2 weeks during the camp. When camp was over, there was no way to stay in touch before cell phones were invented and most of the campers lived far away. At the time, I lived in Oakland and those new friends lived in Santa Cruz or Half Moon Bay. That’s really far away from Oakland. So I was lonely, again.

Antoine in Action - photo credit Matt Haber

I was always seeking a way to have a friend. I joined the basketball team and my teammates at my Jr. High School didn't like me at first. I really knew nothing about basketball yet I wanted to play. I really wanted to do what hearing people do. Watching all the guys working together as a team to win was something I wanted to have in my life. I wanted a team of friends. I would start practice on my own at 6 am at my school basketball court. In time, I got very good at basketball and I became one of the important players on the team. My teammates became my friends, solely at school, but it felt good. However, once Jr. High School was over, I was alone once again.

Mr. Hunter & Zula - photo credit Matt Haber

It was time to move on to high school and I had a chance to visit Skyline High School. Yes, that is the same high school Tom Hanks and Grey Payton went to. Many famous people went to that school. It was a huge school and I was worried. I instinctively knew the bigger the school was, the harder it was going to be to make friends. During my visit to Skyline High School, we had a chance to stop by the dance studio. There I saw a black woman saying 5,6,7,8!

The room was sweaty, the students were turning and jumping, and one thing stood out clearly to me ... there were only two guys in dance class! I was thrilled. I thought to myself “well if there’s only one guy or a few guys, these girls would want me to be their friend and be in their dances, or maybe one of them would be my future wife ... wait slow down ... this would be perfect place to find a date.”  I couldn't wait to start my first day of school.

Antoine - photo credit Matt Haber

I won't tell you what year it was but I will tell you it wasn’t the year 2000 yet. My first dance class I got my sweat gym clothes on and I sat on the floor pushing my legs apart stretching. Trying to do what all these girls were doing. I couldn't help but to daydream which one would be my wife, I mean my best friend. My dance teacher Dawn James walked in, took roll call, introduced herself and began the warm-up. The warm-up was from hell. Mind you, I was already in shape ... don't forget not only am I a basketball player but I’m also a track runner, a bodybuilder and a swimmer.

Dance class was kicking my butt. These girls were able to do way more sit-ups of all kinds. I couldn't keep up. My abs were on fire, just burning. My legs were shaking. They did more pushups than me, and it wasn't even 15 minutes yet. When we got up off the floor, everyone was able to touch the floor and I couldn't get past my knees. Then the dance started. “Jazz square” Dawn James yelled. My mind was spinning in a circle. “Kick ball change” she yelled. I thought, “oh, imagine I am kicking the ball, oh I can do that”. I was catching on. “Hold up, dang! Did you see how high she just kicked her leg? Almost took my head off,” I thought to myself, if I survive but everyone else was looking at me as if i was the weakest link. I guess I was.

Every day I practiced at home everything I learned from dance class at school. I was focused for many months. At one point I could touch the floor while standing with my leg straight. In the past, I couldn't get past my knees. In time, I was getting good, good enough that my classmates started to notice me. Even a few of them started saying hi. Still no real friends yet. One day my teacher said we had to work in group, or duet, or work solo to create a dance. I wanted to work in a group but no one wanted to be in my dance. So I created a solo. It wasn’t a one-day creation. It took weeks to figure out what I wanted to do. I decided to dance to Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You.”

Antoine with the Musicians - photo credit Matt Haber

When the music started, I began rocking my head side to side as if a boat were rocking me. I grabbed my shoulders as if I were cold and alone in the dark. Then, I let the music take me over, I mean really take over me ... I was moving all over the room. I jumped, I rolled, I slid, I reached, fell, I stood up, I was belonging and I was sweaty. Wait, there is more. During the instrumental break of the song, I began to dance as if lightning, fire, wind, water, and finally the earth were attacking me.

I was all needy, feeling and scared but there was freedom and comfort, like angels were dancing with me. When I finished dancing, everyone had so many different expressions on their faces — even before they clapped. Many people told me that they could understand me and feel me from my dance.

Crowned King at SF 2017 Carnaval! - photo credit Marco Sanchez

From that day forward, I went on to learn other “languages of dance”— like African, ballet, and so much more. Soon I began to teach these languages to others. Dance is so powerful. It’s given me the power to touch lives.

This story was about my first year in school. At the end of the school year, I had really nice friends. Today I have friends all over the world and really good friends. I always say you only need one friend but sometime dance is so powerful it brings more good people into your life. Dance has the power to bring good people in your life.

Antoine Wins the Crown at Carnaval! - photo credit Matt Haber

This is Week 15 of 52 Artists in 52 Weeks. Thank you for reading and sharing Antoine’s story today. To connect with Antoine, please visit the links below. 

Editor’s note: You can see Antoine’s posts on his Facebook page and you can choose to “follow” him. You just can’t friend him because he is so popular he’s maxed out at Facebook’s 5,000 friend limit (ironic, and fitting given Antoine's early quest to have  even one friend). 

The above photos show Antoine at San Francisco’s 39^th Annual Carnaval Competition this past weekend where he was crowned King – Congratulations Antoine! 

Editor's note:  A capital "D" for Deaf epresents and honors Deaf Culture. Details are at:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deaf_cultures 

#DeafWoke

A part of me is dying...

THE trigger I SURVIVED AT 9 YEARS OLD by Antoine Hunter

Warning ⚠️ this artistic video may make you cry or triggered.... be patience with yourself..
(Story is below)
THE TRIGGER I SURIVEd AT 9 YEARS OLD-
I’m 9 years old and it 2020...

This video: Masculinity? Masculine (collective Black man) identity presence either threatens white privileged “authority” or triggers modern day lynching anxiety.

With every beat of a clock, video I watched that documents a black life being beaten, robbed, tricked, mocked, and stolen, my Black Deaf soul fades, fades, fades.

VIDEO: Stamped:
5 minute artistic video by Antoine Hunter. Antoine is a dark dark-skinned African American, Cherokee, and Blackfoot Native American man with long black dreadlocks and a full ebony beard. He is wearing a fitted black v-neck shirt and sitting in front of a solid blue background.

00:00-00:10 The video begins with a portrait-mode video centered over a black wide-screen background. Antoine looks directly into the camera, smiling, and rearranges his hair until he is pleased with how he looks. The audience views Antoine through the lens of his phone, alternating between interacting with the phone and directly addressing viewers.

00:10 Antoine signs PRECIOUS and swipes his hand across the camera suggesting a filter change. He then begins laughing hard and holds his left hand on his chest.

00:18 Antoine swipes across the camera again, purses his lips, and shakes his head in light disagreement with what he sees on his screen.

00:27 He swipes his finger across the screen and is empowered indeed beauty with his look. He snaps his fingers in a zig-zag across his chest.

00:31 Antoine swipes across his screen again and his facial expression slowly changes from happy to concerned to and he leans back from the camera.

00:42-01:15- Antoine watches the screen and begins to tear up.

01:15 Antoine’s left eye drifts to the side while his right eyes stare straight and white text appears at the bottom of the screen reading (Eyes Twisted). The camera zooms to a close up of Antoine’s eyes and a single tear spills over from his left eye.

01:47 The camera angle switches back to portrait mode and tears run down Antoine’s face. His eyes shift slightly to the right then return to the camera.

02:00 The video fades out and another portrait mode shot appears. Antoine brushes his beard and sings and signs I’m Black, Deaf and I’m Proud. Music notes and red, yellow and black calligraphy text appears: I’m Black, DEAF, and I’m proud.

02:00-2:15 Antoine snaps his fingers, brushes his beard, sings, and moves to the beat of his song and brushes his hair.

02:15- The clip fades out and another fades in of  Antoine crying, his left eye fully to the side. The camera slowly pans out.

02:23- Solid white flashes across the screen and a closeup widescreen shot of Antoine screaming appears.

02:23-2:41 Antoine screams and shakes. The camera pans out and the video slowly returns to portrait mode as Antoine, head down, raises clenched fists and continues to screen and shake in clear emotional agony. Antoine looks directly into the camera then looks down and

02:41-2:52 Tears roll down Antoine’s cheeks as he looks into the camera and lowers his fists.

02:54-2:58 A new clip fades in of Antoine wearing a red half-face mask. He struggles to breathe and uncovers his mouth and nose. He clenches his hands over his chest and removes the mask.

02:58 The portrait mode shot of Antoine with tears running down his cheeks reappears.

03:00-3:07 A new clip of Antoine, bare-chested, appears. He looks rapidly from left to right in terror, attempting to protect himself from unseen threats.

03:07-3:09 The screen flashes to Antoine in the black shirt tucking his hair behind his right ear.

03:09 The screen flashes back to Antoine bare-chested and protecting himself.

03:14 A brief flash of Antoine tucking his hair behind his right ear blends into a clip of him laughing with increasing intensity, both clips are transparent and can be seen simultaneously as they blend together. He appears to be holding his heart as he laughs and claps his hands together as if being told a hilarious joke.

03:30 Antoine signing gradually appears, transparent, behind the clip of him tilting his head back and laughing. He signs WHEN WILL THIS STOP?

03:33 Antoine yells and signs WOO and places his hands across his chest, his laughter verges on tears and he signs YES!

03:40 Two portrait shot clips of Antoine appear, juxtaposed. LEFT CLIP: Antoine’s palms are pressed together in prayer at his forehead. His eyes are closed as he says his prayers with all his heart.

RIGHT CLIP: Antoine signs, When will this STOP as he looks directly into the camera. He signs, When will we be able to grow together? SUBTITLE: When will this STOP.  When will we be able to grow together

04:09-4:25 LEFT CLIP: Antoine continues to pray and tears roll down his cheeks.
RIGHT CLIP: Antoine signs This MUST stop. The HATE MUST STOP. The RACISM and DISCRIMINATION MUST STOP. | SUBTITLES:  HATE MUST STOP. The RACISM and DISCRIMINATION MUST STOP

04:26 LEFT CLIP: Antoine signs love.

04:27-04:40 LEFT CLIP: Antoine lowers his hands, closes his eyes, and cries softly. He raises his left fist, palm out, in a sign of solidarity, resistance, and strength. He wipes his tears away and begins to braid his hair behind his head. RIGHT CLIP: Antoine signs STOP the KILLING and shifts his eyes down in a slow blink. He then looks straight into the camera. He leans forward, points into the camera, eyebrows raised, and signs you, STOP the KILLING | SUBTITLES: STOP the KILLING

04:40: LEFT CLIP: Antoine holds his hair behind his head with his right hand and wipes away tears with his left hand. He continues to braid his hair. RIGHT CLIP: Antoine taps his chest, his heart, and signs: WE HUMAN here, He takes deep breaths and slowly blinks his eyes. He signs WE ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE! | SUBTITLES: WE HUMAN here. WE ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE!

4:50: LEFT CLIP: Antoine looks directly into the camera and finishes braiding his hair. He raises his fist again in the sign for solidarity, resistance, and strength. RIGHT CLIP: He signs, STOP the KILLING. He looks off camera, to the right, then the left, then directly at the camera and nods. He signs a final time STOP the KILLING. | SUBTITLES: STOP the KILLING.

05:00: LEFT CLIP: goes out. RIGHT CLIP: Antoine looks into the camera one last time.]

Warning ⚠️ this artistic video may make you cry or triggered.... be patience with yourself..

THE TRIGGER I SURIVEd AT 9 YEARS OLD-
I’m 9 years old and it 2020...

This video: Masculinity? Masculine (collective Black man) identity presence either threatens white privileged “authority” or triggers modern day lynching anxiety.

With every beat of a clock, video I watched that documents a black life being beaten, robbed, tricked, mocked, and stolen, my Black Deaf soul fades, fades, fades.

https://vimeo.com/423479123/f98002b7f8

Video Description subtitles  - for Deaf -Description
https://youtu.be/lBkAflzBlj4
Ps We Aint WEAK!

Make your stomach sick?
Trigger the neuroendocrine mechanisms that produce inflammation and  Emotional Dysregulation of the immune system.

Kenya Downs from PBS wrote...
When black wrongful death goes viral, it can trigger PTSD-like trauma. It was written- people of color, frequent exposure to the shootings of black people can have long-term mental health effects.

A 2012 study found that black Americans reported experiencing discrimination at significantly higher rates than any other ethnic minority. The study, which surveyed thousands of African-Americans, Hispanics and Asian-Americans, also found that blacks who perceived discrimination the most, were more likely to report symptoms of PTSD. Although African-Americans have a lower risk for many anxiety disorders, the study reported a PTSD prevalence rate of 9.1 percent in blacks, compared to 6.8 percent in whites, 5.9 percent in Hispanics, and 1.8 percent in Asians.

QUESTION: What does this mean for BLACK Deaf people and BLACK Disable people?