Something struck me hard..
I learned something about myself ... I love my white friend .... but.....
Seeing white people dancing about their experience about racism without experiencing racism is triggering for me.
How can I dance with you?
Why am I feeling triggered??
You see — I know one part—if we don’t talk about racism 1st then how am I feeling safe that white actually United in the understanding of racism with BIPOC.
How can I dance with you/them?
White ballet teacher said to black little girl “you have too much bottom, you have terrible horror feet, you’re too muscular, and again make your bottom smaller!” I personally seen that.
One will say “no, that NOT racism that just discrimination on body type.”
For me as Antoine- ((you don’t need to agree with me)) but I would say “ EVERYONE BODY BUILD DIFFERENTLY ALSO in many cultural body build differently when it come to training for anything as there is something common denominator of some things our body build, does or moves culturally” all body often build from our culture and if we are not “normal” as white people body in ballet then it is to me racist to speak such of a thing on another culture body types.”
“Wait Antoine you know white girl get told the same thing by their dance teacher - so it can’t be racism act.”
For me it seem if 100 ballet girl, 3 black girl and 1 white “non traditional body type ( hate saying traditional) girl - if all 3 black and 1 white but 97 white was told their body is fine - for me racism is happening... it a white space telling a black body how it should formed to look like them.
No Antoine I dont see color I say this to all my students...
(((((Then Antoine don’t feel safe to dance with you ...))))
Like this — you can say the same thing to 2 different group of people — say one thing to a white group then you’re just very rude but say it to BIPOC group you’re racist. It’s the truth.
- let me go back to “dancing to the experienced racism”-
Sometime I see a dance about white people on racism and white feel better after it.. I have done over 100 dance about racism and I HAD NEVER FELT BETTER ABOUT IT AFTER I DANCE.. I feel sometime hopeful....yes, for thing to change for the better but never the feeling of it shaken off and say I’m good”
It look different on black body and white body to say “ok I’m good now I can leave racism for today” while I can’t ever say that —- even if I’m in an all black dance school- the sense of a white person can walk in destroy our space or the moment I leave the dance school a white cop follow me home even if I’m walking ina black town. ANTOINE YOURE obsessive- then what happen in Charleston... remember the church shooting was a mass shooting on June 17, 2015.. only 5 years ago... Breonna Taylor was sleep in her own house!
Seeing racism vs experiencing racism..
for me it two different maybe wrong wording....
FEELING RACISM VS TASTING RACISM-
Maybe still wrong wording I don’t know how to explain— is it
(racism happen to them) VS (racism happen to me) maybe that it..???
No matter what the intention are
It almost like watch a white person dancing to strange fruit ...
I bring me questions- why am I being triggered... who give them permission to dance on strange fruit - should it be only a black person ? Is it ok? Should it be lead by a black to explain the historical event and experience then allow them to dance it??? do they know the understanding the true FEELING of strange fruit -
CAN THEY FEEL THE BLOOD ON THE TREE ??? Or was the space taught once again privilege to heal from seeing racism and able to shake it off .. while we black CANNOT...not...not... literally- shake of racism for it keep happening to us no many how many time we dance it...
There no lessons of how to be an ally, there training how to stop racism and yet we going to dance in the same space?
I mean ... why am I triggered by this?
What am I learning when I see this happen?
What is the lesson in the Space of white dancer —-white dancer dancing to “racism happen to them (BIPOC)” - “I’ve alway want to dance to strange fruits” go head - a white person given permission to dance in a white space of dying black and brown people...
Crazy - I live a white space everyday like hearing space everyday... was I supposed to leave that space ? Was it ok to allow such space to moves directly over BIPOC BODY AND VOICES, Black women voices and bodies, how many black men bodies was in the space could they see and not see if we don’t say anything-
Yes, I get it —- white people have feeling against racism - maybe it a huge privilege just to get up and dance about and shake off In release..
Amazing grace vs strange fruit are two different thing ...
Is one saying they are going amazing grace on strange fruit ??
Whatever it is as I love my White people too but dang I raise questions as I was triggered...
Why was I trigged ?
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